It was time for me to get my monthly Britney fix, bitch. I stumbled upon her new video “Slumber Party” and then my jaw stumbled to the floor when I saw this fine man on the screen. This demigod was dark, juicy and sitting at Britney’s dinner table ready to be eaten. He had a naughty tattoo of a snake like symbol trickling down the left side of his face. I had to find out, who was the perfectly chiseled male and did he prefer tacos or tube steak. I feverishly googled, man in Britney’s new video. There it was, his name was even exotic, Sam Asghari. Turns out Sam is a Fitness model and definitely looks better with his shirt off.
I can’t lie, the more I read, the more pictures I found of him shirtless and sweaty the more articles of clothing I started to remove. I found out he is an Instagram sensation and somewhat of a video vixen himself. Then reality slapped me on the cheek, like a virgin on prom night. Sam and Britney were rumored to be dating. There right in front of me was a picture of them together all close and smiley. A caption saying they were at a Japanese restaurant “all cozy” sealed the deal. Maybe their relationship is as fake as the painted snake tattoo he wore in the Slumber Party Video. Maybe my fantasy of him having a private slumber party with me could really happen. I stalked his profiles for the next several hours. I found out he is from Iran and he is twenty two years old. His pouty kisser is real, no Kylie lip kit for him. Everything I dug up lead back to the fact that he is heterosexual, heavy sigh. Well Sam Asghari you don’t know what you are missing.